Lisa, you made perfect sense and thank you for taking the time to reply, I'm very grateful to all the replies I receive. They give me something to think about and also it's nice not to feel so alone. As mostly I feel very alone.

You are right - no-one has said I'm too much, or whingeing or that I'm demanding or attention seeking or that I need to go over it or anything like that. I realise now that the only person who has ever said that is me.

The few people who know I'm struggling (and no-one knows the full extent of the trauma I've been through) have been supportive, empathetic and admiring of my ability cope.

My psychologist has raised this issue with me before (of my projecting my negative thoughts onto others). She reassures me that I'm not the least bit attention seeking or whingeing and wishes I'd do some whingeing or attention seeking. She feels I repress alot. Not just because of the ptsd but because of my conditioning in childhood.

I have a strong 'parent' in my head apparently. Strict, unrelenting, perfectionist, narrow & certainly no room for emotional crap. I didn't realise that I was doing this until I read your post, this has made me pull up & stop doing it (well most of the time).

But that leaves me back at feeling miserable and lately incredibly angry. It's so hard for me to sit with feelings and/or talk about the actual details of the trauma. It's near on impossible for me to link trauma part 12 makes me feel x emotion like my psych suggests I do. She's really pushing for some sort of detail now, and each time I freeze and my voice turns into a squeak. Guess I'll just keep banging up against that brick wall.