Arashi,

Healing your traumas is hard work. No matter how you come at it, there are no short cuts. Being a carer for someone who has PTSD is hard work, too. One of the biggest things that needs to be realized is that you can’t fix it for your girlfriend. No matter how badly you want to. It’s got to be up to her to do. You can help, support, be there, listen, etc. But there’s a line that you’ll not be able to cross. That has been one of the hardest parts of all of this for both my husband and me. It’s taken a long time for us to get used to that new part of our relationship.

You say that your girlfriend is putting your relationship on hold. I can understand that. I was in an abusive relationship before I met and married my husband. Learning to trust someone in a relationship again is very, very tough. We were married for over a year and I was pregnant with our first child when I finally relaxed my guard enough to trust him that he wasn’t going to leave me and he wasn’t going to hurt me. We’ve been together for 21 years now and I still have big moments of insecurity. Maybe it’s the fear of trusting again, the fear of your relationship going to the next level that’s bringing out some old demons for her. Fear causes stress and stress kicks up PTSD symptoms. Unfortunately it’s a nasty cycle that we (sufferers and carers) have to learn to deal with.

Lisa