Are we products of our enviroments? Genetically linked through DNA? What does God see or does he/she care? The answer is yes to all. Why is there suffering and joy? Is it like Job in the Bible, where he tries to get council for his grief, only for God to say,"Hay Job? Where were you when I laid the foundation to the earth?" And," who are you to question me?"

I was born and given up for adoption. Did she want me? Was she thinking of me? Is sex just for procreation or is love involved? Was it just sex for the pleasure? Does my biological father think of me? As a father i always think of my children. Why did this happen. Am I glad that I was allowed to live as a fetus? Yes. Would I rather be aborted? I am so thankful that I am alive.
Why did my adopted parents pick me. I was one of many only to be picked by a family filled with violence and pain. Yet I am thankful to be placed in a family that my mother still doesn't want me. Strange situation.

I am not ready to look at the emotional side of me. Yet I need to. I don't want to look at what has happened and see how I have affected my children. I do not want to make the same mistakes as my parents, but i have through a divorce. I believe that I am a forgotten generation, only to help prevent this type of pain in my children. Hopefully teaching and being there for them. I have so much anger and pain that I want to get ride of. I want to understand and help others. I don't want to be forgotten.

I want someone to love me and want to be with me regardless of my stuff. I want to love someone regardless of their stuff. I want my kids to forgive me. I just can't seem to get my legs under me, I just seem to run, but I am so tired. It is my hope that I can understand and realize there may be no answers, only hope to take me to and understanding or accept things. Maybe through writing, and faith and working through this will help.

Later.