I think the heroic adult just may be different for you, not really lose the fantasy. You will learn you are the strong one rescuing yourself, even if you don't know it yet, as it takes a very strong person to heal. The more you go through this the more you will see you don't need someone to do this for you and they can't. You can and will free yourself and rescue yourself.

I am thrilled you are recognizing the CBT! That is exactly how it works. It is slow and shows up in little places small first. You keep doing it and it just spreads into so many different aspects of your life. Before you know it you are looking at the bright side of things. One of my most critical changes was for me to learn to lose the term "I should". Any thought process that started with that I had to change. I should not allowed in how I feel at all.

I hope you learn your pain is valid, the past shapes us, you are moving on by actively healing, and you are not a failure when things don't go as hope. It goes as hoped at times and that is improvement. You are doing an awesome job, keep up the great work. I think you deserve to treat yourself. Open your windows wide and let in the sunshine and get some cheap flowers to put out. IMO no such thing as an ugly flower and they are a wonderful reward.