This morning I was reading in the PTSD Success Stories and noticed Evie's entry about being positive and dealing with her anger and hurt over Brian's death. I am very proud of her. As a result, I felt it was time I too wrote something about my son here. It's now been close to 5 months since his death, and Jim and I have not discussed him much here. It has simply been very painful for all of us. Evie has a very open way of dealing with her pain, everyone knows how she is feeling, anger, rage, sadness or what have you, she puts it all out there. And that is good as she can't afford to keep things bottled up. However my husband and I have been more closed, though that doesn't mean we are hurting any less, or are any less angry about it.

I find myself crying nonstop about Brian today, and feeling much sadness and guilt about his death. Intellectually I know there was nothing any of us could have done to prevent it. Brian was an adult, 35 years old, and drinking and driving often has dire consequences. However, I can't help feeling we could have done more. We knew he had PTSD, and we knew what horrible consequences could result from that, from previous experience with my brother-in-law Eric. But we felt so helpless! :crybaby: Brian would not listen to us. We could not convince him to come home or accept our help. I often advise others that they must let their PTSD sufferer go, and I wish now I could take my own advice.

As Evie mentioned in the PTSD Success stories, thank you all for your kind words at the time of Brian's accident, we did very much appreciate it. Of course I will never recover from the death of my baby, my firstborn, however it is comforting to have such lovely people here.

Perhaps I will lie down for a while. I am feeling quite poorly. Thank you for "listening".