Most recently my family has had one hell'a'va painful day, and I just know that there has got to be...seeds..., to a bigger and better good. I don't want to overlook them and miss out on great opportunity for change(s) and growth.

So here goes my first attempt to uncover just where and what these seeds are, and all inspired from the disorder of that most painful family experience:

• I must now trust my instinct and experience and seek counseling for my son and daughter, and depite my husb.'s prior denial, discouragement and his statement of: NO. Our children don't need counseling and that they're perfectly well.

[If this must come to an ultimatum, then so be it, they're my children as well and I can now trust myself and my insights and seek to provide counseling support for our children. -And, all without feeling pressured not to, intimidated or afraid.]

• I needn't no longer exist in any degree of denial, dishonesty (through omission) or fantasy in relationship and marriage with my husb. I can address, face and deal with facts and no longer accept his games in communications between us.

• I will not accept what I consider abusive as acceptable, bc I am told it is, and then left with the belief that I have no choose but to accept it, or else welcome more trouble and strife. (Whatever the sort, excuses made, or rationalizations for it, I will object, if or when ever the need arises).

[And My ultimatums will be given (adults & children alike), and something done about it to prevent and/or stop any form of abuse.]

• Simply bc my husb.'s outlooks, attitudes, behaviors and values have shifted over time, and I have felt pressured to conform. I can now, and I am reclaiming myself, my values and my convictions. I too will maintain my hope.

• There is avenues of help available to me as a PTSD sufferer, and I will continue to seek out and accept, as many constructive means of help as is available to my family and I.

• As long as I can, I will do every ounce of work necessary to arrest the progression of my PTSD and continue to learn of and apply both management and coping tools to my PTSD and life's condition.

..........and, I think I'll continue this later. It's as if this post, and those 'seeds' has evolved into a bit of a pers. mission statement for me tonight.

Heading now for some :sleeping: !

Hope