I am fighting voices of the past that are programmed into my brain like software in a computer. For me, the hardest trauma to overcome is the verbal abuse, the use of verbal threats, the use of put downs and sexual terms to discribe me. Both my mother and my father did this. The events that surround the words served to reinforce the meaning of the things being said. Does that make sense? But I will fight it. No one can enter my brain and change the programming but me. That is correct. But there are people who intice me to think in different ways which will help me change my thoughts and thus my emotional responces to the way I think. When this occurs I believe the flash backs will not be quite so traumatizing anymore and when triggers do occur I will not be so inclined to emotional break down. Perhaps in this area I should post some of the mean things that were said to me. Not to get pity. I don't want that, but to help myself see where the roots of my bad thinking stemmed from.

I didn't just wake up one day and say, :"Gee self, I think I'll just be mean to you today and say all kinds of mean things to you."

I'm not trying to just blame others but I think that I am not the one who initially programmed my brain to think so negative and concrete. Knowing that will help me know the source of my (ANST) and will IMHO debunk those thoughts. I guess I just have to remember, I am a person and I would not talk to another person the way I talk to myself.