i hadn't seen this before. it amazes me how different people can be so much alike, ptsd being the only common factor. i deal with suicidal thoughts a lot. i keep thinking that they will just go away, or that i've gotten so used to it that it's not real any more. then, something new will "pop" up in my mind, and while i can usually ignore it, when i am down so far as to be contemplating real plans to end it, they become more enticing. i usually plan things that would look like an accident(so spare my family, i think) like pulling in front of a semi, mixing the bleach/amonia like i'm cleaning something. when i get so far down that nothing matters any more, that's when i hunt for the guns, or think about ordering iv tubing and a needle from a supplier for blood donations.(wouldn't that be easier than cutting your wrists) the pop-up things are more like trying to wash dishes, and feeling the urge to slit my throat(whoever heard of that, anyway? i doubt it's even possible) but i always end up holding the knife to my throat anyway. like feeling the urge to pull in front of a train that i'm waiting for--had to put my car in park and turn off the ignition because i kept pulling up a little closer. am i just crazy, or is this junk normal? sometimes it is such a struggle because i need to get away from the flashbacks. it seems this stuff is never going to end and there is no other way out. what are you supposed to do? if you tell people about these things, they will want to lock you up. i just feel like screaming. cookie