I don't understand myself sometimes. I feel more anger at myself than toward my abusers. I do not discount their behavior or condone it, but I can't seem to feel anything towards them. I feel more anger towards a society that perpetuates pedophelia and preditor behavior by an innadiquate justice system, an extremely poor system of social services, and and the glamorization of youthful features as sexually appealing. Its sick! Its wrong! Its bad! And I'm very angry.

I will say the following about myself because I need to build myself up instead of put myself down. I need to give that 200% to creating within myself confidence, self worth, and all the things my abusers tried to steal from me. This is so hard for me. I'm not used to saying good things about myself but here goes.

1.) I'm a good mother because I display love and care for my 5 children. I provide them with guidance and emotional support to foster their growth and development as individuals.
2.) I'm a good wife because I listen to what my husband is trying to communicate to me. I value him by being his best friend and support in times of need. I allow him to be a part of my life and I work to develop interest in the things he enjoys so that we have a basis for interpersonal dialogue. I am faithful to him and committed to him.
3.) I am a good artist and poet.
4.) I am not "a stupid little idiot". I am an intelligent, competent, and credible individual.
5.) I am not "a fat ugly whore". I am an attractive woman and not permisquis.
6.) I have nothing to be ashamed of. My abusers are the ones who should be ashamed.
7.) I am not damaged goods. I am a good person with high morals and strong values.
8.) It is not my fault the abuse continued for so long. I did not ask for it. I was a child and was violated by people I was suppose to be able to trust.