Cookie, many of us go through suicidal thoughts. If they remain as thoughts, that is one thing, but you seem to be going to extended lengths with descriptions and planning cookie, which says to me, maybe you do need to be in hospital until things get better for you. You need to either get the hell of those drugs your on, which is going to have side effects from withdrawal and get yourself to a naturopath ASAP for better medical help. Go and find an acupuncturist, and get a treatment ASAP... it does really help cookie.

Cookie, remember what we have spoken about though, in that if it is getting that bad, you do need to ring up your doctor, support line or hospital and get admitted. It doesn't make you any lesser person cookie to get admitted to a hospital, in fact it makes your stronger, because you know your a concern to yourself, and you know you want to live, but are beginning to see other options. Suicide is not the way out cookie... it just makes things worst. You have a life to live, and if your determined enough to not allow your thoughts to win, you can get past this crap cookie, you can live life again if you desire, but you need to want this, you need to help yourself at times, ie. if hospitalization is required because you know you need it, etc etc.

There is life on the other side of PTSD and depression cookie... there really is, and I am living it, and you can too. Only you stand in the path of getting to the other side. You control your thoughts, you can learn how to retrain your thoughts, retrain yourself to control PTSD and associated symptoms. You hold the key, but you also need to want to get past this. There is no quick fix to PTSD, it is slow, it is painful, but it is short term pain for long term gain... and that is the truth.