Thanks Jods, it does help. Makes me feel less like a wierdo. Well I got my guitar today and played for over an hour.. will probably play more yet today. (yes I'm overdosing on it.. been lonely without something to pluck at!) I find when attempting to play that my mind gets quiet. It's a rare thing.

Well we have the tour tomorrow. I'm hoping I won't get too freaked out. I got an excellent handout that answered all but two of my questions. So at least I won't have this huge list to go through.

Matt is really looking forward to it. Believe it or not. He's been very honest with me and has admitted he just needs a break from us triggering each other. I can't say I blame him in the least.

It's kind of, reassuring, that he wants to go. It's eased my mind a lot.

So far my plan for his duration, is to practice on my guitar (my goal is to learn one song while he's away so I can play it for him when he gets home), to crochet, and to visit with Ryan and kids when I'm not visiting with Matt. Not sure what else I can do.. but crocheting is mindless, guitar is relaxing/quieting, and Ryan and kids is human contact without major stress. So.. that's my plan to this point.

Matt had therapy this afternoon. I went in and signed the admission referral papers and then Matt had the rest to himself. He did really good and really likes his therapist. I'm thinking this just might work.

Still have a lot of fears, anxiety and anger just bubbling under the surface, but I'm a thousand times better than the last two days.

Thank you, all of you, for such much needed support. What would I ever do without you guys?

hugs,
bec