Cookie, please take the advise that everyone is giving. I also suffer from PTSD and depression. Suicide is on my mind 24/7/365. I faught the idea of going to the hospital several times and was pursuaded to go by my wife. My last hospitalization happened after I tried to OD on pills that I had left over from a medicine change. I took enough to actually kill myself, but since I made it to the hospital in time to be saved. The scariest part was that I felt I could do it again because it was on my mind. I know that Suicide is not the answer to my problems just like you probably know. But at times it seems the easy way out. I have a wife and 4 kids that are my anchor with out them I probably would attempt suicide again and again until I suceeded. At times I wish I did complete the suicide so I would not have that burden on my shoulders. Everytime I leave my therapist he checks with me to make sure I am OK. By now he knows if I am lieing or telling the truth. Please reach out to someone you can talk to in person so you can continue to fight your PTSD. I have learned to be honest with everyone and now when I say I do not feel safe everyone listens to me. Please read some other postings because they will help you.