thanks for your reply, pit bull. unfortunately, the hosp. is not an option for me. my husband has 2 jobs that are both sensitve to that kind of situation. one is gov. and the other is the church. i would not want to hurt either of these, as one is our livilihood, and the other is more important. i am going to try and be more forthcoming with my therapist, i have only been back to her for about 3 wks now, but i can feel that i am getting better maybe, except for immediately after, then i am dangerously low. if i went to the hosp. wouldn't they just give MORE medicine? i don't know, if you have these feelings too, then you know that there are times when you don't want help anymore, just a desperation to escape, and the peace that comes when you make up your mind--but i still struggle with hurting my family in such a way, how much harder it would be than an accident. forgive my rambling. cookie