I think I need to try and remember that Jods. It's better care than I can give right now. Actually it's probably the best time for this.. as my drug withdrawals are making me especially nutty now.

I've cried a lot the past few days. Partly because of Matt. We both have separation anxiety (lovely gift of domestic violence.. that one..) and I feel almost as if I'm abandoning him and being abandoned at the same time. I'm not sure if that makes sense to anyone or not.

Really Matt is the only family I have. Although Connie is great, she's four hours away and has my Dad attached to her hip. I so fear losing Matt. He's the only good family I have.

I'm thinking this is highly unhealthy of me.

I'm hoping that going in there.. will not only help him, but help me with how we live. We still live very much as if we are being abused. We are both scared of conflict, tip toe around, try not to voice opinions. Maybe this separation will help? Maybe the docs can help us change this?

Don't know.. trying to mentally focus on the positives, as insane as some of them sound, since my emotions are so terribly negative, painful and overwhelming.

I'm so dreading packing his suitcase tomorrow.. really freaking dreading it. It's seems so final.


bec