I've been bickering and verbally mean and downright nasty with my family all week, all the while I've been nice and kind to you folks on this forum. Last night I went to the VA because all week I had been having chest pain and just wanted to see what was actually causing it... not to mention, I had some really bad panic attacks earlier in the week, I've been coughing a lot and my ears seem stuffed up. While at the VA, I completely forgot to mention anything about my ears. The doc at the VA ER diagnosed me with diabetes because my blood sugar was so high. They asked me if I was upset about that. I told them I don't care.
Diabetes can be controlled, PTSD is a whole other animal, which will probably hinder my ability to control my diabetes... what a vicious circle. I just don't seem to have the will to care about it. I think of my family, and think that they are better off without me than with me. My pain unintentionally spills over to them since they live with me, and I feel so guilty for it. At least this wouldn't be a traumatic suicidal type of death if I was to succumb to it. If its to be, then I hope it happens sooner than later so my wife and daughters have time to get over it and also while I have so much life insurance on myself. Ahhh... I'm thinking of worse-case scenario because many people with diabetes live long and happy lives nowadays thanks to advances in medicine. I'm 32... if I could lose the weight (I'm 250 now... I should be 180lbs), then I would probably lose the diabetes as well. Hell, losing weight would probably have a positive impact on all my damn health problems... unfortunately, for many, being overweight is the root of/can make one more prone to poor health... mentally and physically (although I was pretty healthy and strong physically when they sent me to Iraq). The Iraq war is wrong.