Hi Merlin,

Welcome to the forum. I am not sure whether you would have PTSD or not to be honest, because what this depends on is you. What this means, is that it depends upon how traumatic you perceived these incidents, how you emotional processed these events, and whether or not something of a severe nature occured at some point within them.

I guess this is a difficult case to actually pinpoint whether PTSD itself is present, because PTSD has so many variables, in that a significant traumatic event must have been present to meet the diagnostic criteria, though also it stems highly on not whether you just meet the theoretical based criteria, but more about the intensity of these symptoms.

I would actually suggest you fill out the PTSD diagnosis, linked from my signature, and either post the results that are formulated here or private message them to myself for further review.

Because you in counselling, this is a very positive sign that you may have avoided PTSD itself because of your years of counselling, thus all the talking has avoided the disorder itself, but I definately believe something is there for you to feel this way, whether a general anxiety disorder of other even. I actually hope this for you, as these are atleast curable, compared to PTSD itself.

I would be very interested in you actually providing your writings or explicit detail of your memories, as that may lead an easier assessment to whether or not you have PTSD itself.

Either way, we can help you with anxiety, depression and so forth by themselves, as they are tightly integrated into PTSD itself.