what makes me wonder here is that i am with a doctor these days and iam on seroquel drug.. and nothing changed,...
before i was with another doctor on seroxat for a period, and another on on respirdal... and nothing improved till now on the kind of paranoia iam having!

i will try to tell you what is on my mind that i want to try to find out..

1-i think what i've experienced with those friends is abuse! right? lets say its an abusive relationship..

2- due to my searches on the net of the results of an exessive time to abuse or bullying is commonly anixity and stress, depression and mostly ptsd..

the only diferences that applies to my condition and this is not what i didnt get info on the net and searches is:

1-the kind of abuse or bullying that happened to me is different ( because lets say common abuse that a male may get is abuses to him on the basis that he is a male.. ie: an abusive indirect comment to him as abuse may be "he is a fag.." for example, but my abuses was based on the opposed gendre "ie: she is a fag!" got the idea ?

2-most risks that is on the net for abuses applies on a normal state of mind of the victim,.. where mine is different cause i was getting abuse under the infulence of marijwana...

that is what making me don't know whats the problem... also doctors i went to seems that they are just giving me medications.. and don't know whats the case..

one of the things that iam experiencing latetly that i keep watching shows and movies and scan what men are behaving, saying.. and i try to copy their behaviors..

also when iam on the streets.. i keep focusing on myself in an high degree, as if iam watching myself...

also lately my from about 2 years, my tastes on music and movies for example has changed..

for example.. in music i changed from listning to pop,.. to pink floyd, the doors,.. and only this kind of stuff,..

for movies.. i started to only watch movies that only are in the same pattern of movies like "fight club" "as good as it gets" ..etc

i would talk in years if you want to know the amount on changes that happened to me..!