Thanks for the replies.

I guess in a way I do know that I wouldn't be the same person but it's just so exasperating. Like, I'm just 20 and as a doctor said when I was 16- "so young and so many problems", so what will my life be like when I grow older? I'm in a long term relationship now but its so difficult to not burst out in tears for no reason, out of the blue- I don't really cry apart from that. It's like I'm nuts or something, just going from angry to teary to numb to I don't give a s***. It just feels like I'm out of control. Then sometimes I think my boyfriend is from an incident and just freak out and start screaming.

I do admit that I am confused about some incidents that are in my mind, but there are others that have been witnessed my people (but I can't remember). I used to get flashbacks every day but now I get it 1-3 times a week. So I have made progress from my therapy in public mental health system (I was a useless wreck) but now its just stagnant (I actually live).