Lisa,

It is sort of comforting knowing why I am reacting as that means I know and I would think I could act to fix it. It seems more though like it is just a birthday or something, I do not want it but it will be here and it will pass.

Why I react so badly is still beyond me. I have pulled this trauma inside out. I mean nothing is left to process. So why does it do this? It drives me nuts and I really hate how I just do not see it coming. I just have no idea how to process it further. The guy is walking and got off because I delayed reporting it. I still feel hate for him never paying for this but I would expect that is normal.