Of course you are quite correct Wendy, in that people lose their children regardless of the sort of parents they are. I was in quite a bad space yesterday when I posted. I do have my moments since Brian's death where I fear I am going insane. Thankfully those moments rarely last long.

Today I am feeling somewhat better again, however struggling with the realization that I have been quite harsh with my other children lately. Losing my temper, shouting at them over nothing and being far too overprotective - especially Evie, I admit I am much too protective of her. I like to tell myself it's the cancer making me so protective, however if I'm honest, the fact that she shares the same illness as Brian (PTSD) is a major factor.

I do very much appreciate everyone's input in this thread, it does assist me though I am not always able to comment, sometimes it is simply too painful. Lisa and Anthony I agree, I should not be concerned about dates, especially the sad ones. Jim is correct that Brian's birthday in December would be a far more pleasant memory for us.