Kathy,

I agree with Damiea that this part of processing and dealing with a death and the grief that goes with it.

For a long time, everyone in the family remembered my father with only the good things. Then reality started creeping back in. I remember, at one point in dealing with my traumas, the thought that if my father were still alive that I wouldn't be as far along in my recovery as I was. I was floored and felt like I was betraying him and his memory. See...my father and my self-esteem are closely tied because no matter how hard I tried, it was never enough with him so it was never enough for me either.

I asked my mom one day in a phone conversation if she thought that if my father had lived, and learned everything that she had learned about my past and what I had been through, did she think that it would have changed him one bit. Even if changing meant helping me. Her response was the same as mine...it wouldn't have happened.

You've gotten past the stage of remembering only the good and are remembering the truth. Big step, that. Tough, but necessary.

Lisa