I want to know more about this illness, that's why I'm here. I really love him, but not knowing to handle the situation is devastating to me. It seems like the relationship is deteteriorating and I don't know what to do. I'm at the point if I say anything, it blows him up. I'm wondering if there's some outside influence that's causing this and I take the heat; you know, just an excuse to blow off some steam.
I'm embarrased about it to the point that I don't talk to my family or friends about our relationship and I just keep on putting up a front when everything's not alright. I pretend it is, but I know it ain't.

And no, I didn't confront him like I should have when he left me the day after we burried my father while I was grieving, he blamed me for the incident and I had to accept the fact that it was so, but deep down, I couldn't see what I had done wrong. And as far as him being triggered about death, I don't know cause he went to the funeral and didn't show nothing. He takes no responsibility for any of his actions, but always tell me to quit %$#&ing with him. I can't win for losing. Our relationship did not began to unravel until we moved in together. When we moved together after my father passed away, I really needed him to be with me and be by my side until I felt that I could be alone. He would tell me stuff like, go on and be with your folks, you don't need me, or he would say something like I don't want to be around you all the time, I want to go places by myself. That really hurt, because I wasn't ready to be alone, but trying to explain to him would do no good. He makes me feel like the low of the low, but I just keep on wishing, hoping and praying that this thing would blow over and we can began to see each other for the love we have deep down inside.

I know I can sit here all day and just vent and vent and vent. Although he needs healing, I also needs healing, and a better understanding of all this madness. It's difficult to talk to him about it in fear of the rage that may come after. He brings me home papers to read, but reading them and understanding from a medical point of view is totally different. Hopefully I can go to one of his meetings to see what the PTSD community is really dealing with.

Just need someone to talk. I don't know of anyone else who is going through my situation, or maybe they're ashamed to talk about it and just post comments on this forum.

Please continue to reply to me because I really need this. Sometimes I think I'm gonna have a nervous breakdown, but it ain't the right time cause so much is going on in my life, I don't have time for that break right now. Do ya'll know how many times, I've wiped my eyes and blew my nose just trying to write this? Hopefully with the crying, it gets better and I can relieve some anxiety.

we just had a big blow out this morning when I asked him for a couple of dollars to get some food; didn't know it would turn out like that, so that's one thing I can put in my knapsak not to ask him about. After while, there won't be any conversation when my knapsak gets full. O'h but I was all kinda of B's and MF's this morning, but couldn't expect anything any less.

What can I do to stop all of this, or what can I do to lessen the frustration he is going through, or what do I really need to do?

I need help, this is killing me until I know how to handle it.