It has been a while since I've made an entry into my diary. The chaos caused by mom and I moving in together is just now beginning to settle down. However; there is a new wrinkle in this move. Mom fell recently and messed up her back. She has gone to her chiropracter and he is having her come to him everyother day. Between shopping for food, other MD appointment, and this doc, I AM A MESS!!!!! I am so stressed!!!!!! Seems like I have not time to recover from the last outting I did not want to do!!

The move has, however; given me the opportunity to get mom to talk about me when I was a child. Seems I spent my childhood doing a lot of fainting. Children don't faint! I also had many, many episodes of vomiting--always in the middle of the night! I never had friends over for sleep overs. Never did sleep overs at friends houses. But, also seems that I really never had any friends! Therefore, seems to me, that my tramua must have happened when I was a pretty young child.

Some things are coming back to me as mom and I talk, but it is just her talking about stuff and THEN it comes back to me but not as a memory. The sense is more like listening to a story and "OH! really?" I keep replying to her stories by saying "Really"? I just am a blank. I know I am not supposed to worry or obcess about this but it is scary. What kind of demon is back there. What if I finally do remember? What will that do to me. How screwed up could I get by remembering?

I also have a trait that has always been a mystery to me. I can not watch scary movies. I can not ride amusement rides , and if someone sneaks up on me to scare me, well I burst into tears. I can not deal with being frightened in any way. My God, what terror lies in my past to cause this level of fear???? I am an adult. I should be able to watch horror movies without fainting or bursting into tears. Unable to ride even a merry-go-round in just nor normal!!

Well, diary, now that I am in a really panic/anxiety state, guess I stop for now. New things to think about? What has this entry revealed? We shall have to wait and see