Becvan,

Thanks for point that out to me that it may have been too much for him to be my rock after the funeral. I guess I feel that I'm the victim here because I have to suffer as well not realizing how much he suffers.

I'm really trying (I think). After the blow up this morning, and I cried and boo hoo'd myself to death, I swept it under the rug as I do with all the other blow ups, and when I talk to him, or try to have a conversation, I just act as though nothing ever happened.

I really appreciate everyone's postings here to help me help myself and to understand him. I didn't know how difficult this would be for both of us. I would blame his behavior on the drugs and alcohol, but as I was reading up on PTSD, those are the things that they may turn to to numb the situation.

Nevertheless, until I grasp in my mind what is going on, or I have soaked in this situation, I feel that I'm gonna continue to blame him for his actions. Although, in my heart I forgive him for what he's done to me each time, there's no apology on his part. Personally, I feel that he's hinding behind the PTSD as an excuse, but of course he's been diagnosed with the illness for which there is no cure.

Please, please, please continue your reply to my postings, I need to understand it from someone else point of view and not his.

I realize that his stress level is very high and it doesn't take but the wind to blow for him to get upset. I hate to see him like that, and wonder if he'd leave me for not understanding.