Kathy,

I am really working on understanding his illness. He's been in treatment for about a month (going to meetings). First of all, I feel that I need to vent and tell my side of the story for all of you to understand what I'm going through, and I know you do. The second thing for me to do is come to a realization that this is a SERIOUS illness. I like the comparison you gave about if he had cancer. I was looking at it more if it was a personality disorder, rather than a mental illness.

I want to really understand this thing, but it's taking a toll on me and I sometimes lash out back at him to let him know how it feels, other times I just go to another part of the house and cry to myself. Trust me, and you know, it ain't easy.

How do I find group meetings in my area other than where he goes and besides online? I would like to very much express myself to someone in person. I am currently in counseling now, not initially because of the PTSD, but because I needed to move forward in the grieving process, and that with the PTSD situation was not a cute thing at all.

Now I believe I have to focus my attention to being treated for secondary PTSD, and perhaps I need to seek a real Psyhchologist instead of a counselor. I have to make this work, I know I can, I just got to find a way to deal with all this madness I'm going through.

I hope I'm not being selfish refering to only how I feel and what I'm going through and blaming him for how he's treating me, but this has to come out. I am hurting as well, and for me to help him, I need help myself and I need understaning on how to react, what to say and what not to say, and just how to approach him in different situations.

We used to talk about our goals, dreams and asprirations together, but those conversations is long gone. He is having trouble with the divorce issues from his wife, and that has been going on for about two years. They are constantly disagreeing on the final decree. He often says he don't want to get married again, but that's something I may have to deal with if we're together. Don't want that to happen, but marriage isn't gonna make things better.

I'm gonna give it time, and with more understanding, reading, learning, and help from you guys, I can possibily manage this thing better than I have before.