hello again,
In response to your post about pretending that everything is ok. I do this every day of my life whenever some on else is around, even if they are just on the other end of the phone. This is the only place where I can tlak about how I really feel to.
I am glad that someone mentioned the cup theory to you, as it is extremely helpful to understand that. But we often forget that good stress as well as bad stress add to that cup.

You meationed that your bf often likes his alone time... I know from experience how hard it is to know when they want that time. My partner and I literally use signs... for example, if Alex needs some alone time, he shuts the door to whatever room he is in. IN our house the doors are very rarely shut, except the toilet and bathroom, so that my seeing a door shut lets me know to stay out- even if it is my room. If I desperately need something from that room, I have to knock and wait for a response, and I have to shut the door agian on my way back out. When Alex feels that he could handle conversation again, he will either come and see me or he will simply open the door. If I have something to do whilst he wants his alone time, I simply leave him a note explaining where I have gone and why. I probably don't need to give him as much information, but it does save him from stressing about where I have gone. Just an idea; it works for us so maybe it will work for you as well.

It is very hard to know exactly what their stressors are. I met ppl through the ptsd course who had been together for over thirty years, and she still did not know his stressors. Every day is a learning experience and each day we learn something more, and some days the triggers from yesterday don't bother them at all.

Drugs and alcohol are vrey often usedby ptsd sufferers. We have to learn how to help them to control that usage, and be there for them when they do over indulge. We are not called carers just for the lack of a better term; it is often hard to explain that without sounding as though we are equal partners at the same time.

However all of that being said, your bf still needs to take responsibility for his actions. He needs to acknowledge that he has hurt you and he cannot do that when you "sweep it under the rug". You need to tell him! I know that is hard because you dont want him to blow up again, but you caould always write it down. By writing and rereading something, we can often tell if it is going to affect them in a negative way. And even if you put it as nice as possible and he still blows up, at least you know that you tried to make him understand that he was hurting you; and believe me, he will think about it agian once he has calmed down.

I wil leave that with you for now...
Tammy