Kathy, thank you for reading my post and responding. Yes, he is currently deployed, and has been there for a few months now. I'm sure it doesn't make much of a difference, but if it helps to know, he works in an office enviroment everyday, and once in a while, he goes on field missions.

We have been discussing the relationship issue because it came out of nowhere. He was the one who wanted to break up, and didn't have a reason to explain why? Because of that, i became very emotional and wanted to fix the relationship. I didn't want to end it, but he stuck with his decision. Naturally, i did pester for an answer, because i needed some closure, but i wasn't getting any at all. Furthermore, i didn't think it was fair to me that he ended it through an e-mail, and asked him to call me and tell me it's over so that for myself it will actually sink in, and that i will get the closure i need, and move on. I know that sounds selfish, but i just don't think that was right to do it through an e-mail, and he refused to call me because he thought i wanted him to twist with guilt and hear me being upset. That wasn't the case at all, i just needed to hear it from him and then i would have known for sure that it was truly over. After a while it seemed as though he was just looking for excuses to validate the relationship being over.

Also the fact that he wanted to remain friends with me after he broke up with me, kinda bothered me. Like i said in my first post, he still told me he missed me, and loved me and cared for me very much, and that he thinks about me everyday. I guess that was toying with my emotions, since my feelings were still very strong for him. So when he would open up and say those nice things to me, i would try to fix things with him, but it always failed. It made me feel bitter, emotional, a wreck.

I've always been there for him, no matter what. I feel like i was a great gf to him, i sent him packages, i constantly e-mailed him even while he was gone on field missions for a month or two..so that when he came back he knew i was thinking of him. I would talk to him on IM every night, and lose my sleep to talk to him at his convenience. At times, i think to myself that from the beginning of the relationship, i was the only one who put so much effort into the relationship and was more emotionally connected to him. At one point he even told me that i put more effort into the relationship than he did, and it felt like he had no remorse over it, and that hurt a lot.

I know that he needs to see someone to be properly diganosed if he has anything. Right now, i don't even know if he is seeking help or not, he doesn't speak about it. Well, we have no contact right now, and it's been about a week. I seem him on IM sometimes, and i have the urge to message him, but something always holds me back. I know he sees me on there too, but he doesn't message me either. It just makes me think so much...that is he waiting for me to message him? Does he want to see if i will make the effort to contact him to show that i still care about him, and that i'm here for him if he ever wants to talk? I just don't know. In his last e-mail, he did tell me that he needs some time and space too, so i'm doing as he requested and i've backed away. At the same time, this time apart, and no contact is just killing me.

I guess i just don't know if i should let him know that i still care and i'm here for him?? I feel guilty because i feel like i walked away from him, but i haven't. I do want to be there for him, and it kills me that he pushed me so far away.