Hi Nonie,
My heart goes out to you.
It's 2 am I hope this is not too rambling.
I am having the same/similar issues with my bf who has shut down, locked himself in a cage, and pushes me away. I appreciated Kathy's words of wisdom- because I need to be reminded that my bf (ex- he has dumped me several times) is ill and his condition is very serious. But my irrational side is going crazy. I too feel like I'm getting some kind of secondary depression/anxiety.

It's so difficult to give bf space when all i want to do is be there for him. But, I'm doing my best. I keep reading reading reading to get my head around his ptsd. And to be honest I am starting to lose hope because I can't hang in there on my own anymore. And he seems to have lost his hopw. He can't see his future at all.

The weirdest part is that he went into therapy to sort everything out so that we would have a chance- and from that very point 6 months ago, our relationship totally disintegrated. He doesn't feel anything for me at present- not even care. This is quite devastating to hear. he smokes pot quite regularly and I feel that this is contributing to the numbness, depression, and detachment.

I am now aware that he has been lying about many things. as well I feel that it's part of his daydreaming world where he is not bound by truth. This has been painful. I don't know if this is part of ptsd.

I was quite pushy asking him to get the emdr- but his therapist has only one this with him twice in 6 months. She told him that his healing would take 12 months but he has asked me not to wait.

When we are close he gets anxiety attacks, incredible heart palpitations, He's had facial rashes, vomiting. It's heart breaking to think that this is what I cause in him. All I can think of is that I need to let him go because of this. But it's so tragic when I feel that he is the sweetest person that I have ever met- and it kills me to watch him suffer.

I'm so relieved that he is seeing the shrink every week, and his mental health at this moment is more important than our relationship. But it really has been a painful time. I have no advice for you because I feel exactly what you do.

I asked my bf if I could see his shrink so I could be more helpful and able to respond to his needs. He wasn't up for this. So his shrink has recommended someone for me to see so I can find out what I need to do to be more helpful a nd react appropriately to his ptsd. Because I really think i make things worse sometimes and push him away more.

It's hard to know if it's time to cut my losses- everything is spinning out of control. Is there a point you get to where you feel like you're just co- dependent in a relationship with someone who is not able to give anything. Or do you hang in there because this guy didn't deserve to go through this and he is the most wonderful person imaginable who is going through a ridiculously painful time and doing everything necessary to survive it.

Right now I'm giving space and trying to gently be there for him every now and then. I'm trying not to give up- but it's hard when he keeps pushing me away.

Jodie