Welcome to Carers Jodie, lovely to see you posting in here and I hope you derive some support from it.
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Originally Posted by jodiewilliamsnyc  It's so difficult to give bf space when all i want to do is be there for him. |
I must reiterate, even should your intentions be good, even if you are affectionate, kind, helpful and so on - if it is not wanted it is still as much of a violation of his boundaries as if you were nagging or nasty. No difference. In fact my daughter (who has PTSD) has remarked to me that kindness is worse some respects, as she feels more obligated to accept it, and guilty therefore when she rejects it. I cannot stress enough the importance of giving a PTSD sufferer their needed space.
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Originally Posted by jodiewilliamsnyc I am now aware that he has been lying about many things. as well I feel that it's part of his daydreaming world where he is not bound by truth. This has been painful. I don't know if this is part of ptsd. |
It is difficult to say. You may want to ask the sufferers themselves this question. My own personal opinion - it could be dissociation or some other such symptom, it could be denial on his part, or it could be lying simply to avoid having to deal with certain aspects, if he feels he is being put under too much pressure. When someone is very stressed they will generally take the easiest route to avoid further stress, and lying is often much easier than telling the truth.
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Originally Posted by jodiewilliamsnyc I was quite pushy asking him to get the emdr- but his therapist has only one this with him twice in 6 months. She told him that his healing would take 12 months but he has asked me not to wait. |
I must disagree with the therapist providing you with a definite timeline for his healing. The time it takes for someone to heal is a highly individual matter, dependent on many different factors. Additionally, whilst much can be accomplished in 12 months, I do think it is a rather short period of time for most as far as the healing process goes.
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Originally Posted by jodiewilliamsnyc I asked my bf if I could see his shrink so I could be more helpful and able to respond to his needs. He wasn't up for this. So his shrink has recommended someone for me to see so I can find out what I need to do to be more helpful and react appropriately to his ptsd. Because I really think i make things worse sometimes and push him away more. |
Again Jodie, no means no. If he asks directly for space, or says he does not want help, then do not offer it. Wait for him to come round to you. The most helpful thing you can do is respect his wishes and learn about PTSD as much as you can. You will indeed push him away more if you do not respect his boundaries. I hope the professional you see will be helpful for
yourself Jodie. Many carers go into therapy for themselves. I am currently in therapy, albeit grief therapy. Your number one commitment is to your own well being. You can not give away what you don't have yourself. Do take care.