Ditto, same here. In my darkest times I didn't feel worthy of even being looked at. If I was in the grocery store and someone looked at me in an aisle, I felt like I was taking things from them that weren't mine to take. I felt like I was an unwelcome and unwanted distraction that person, I was taking up space that was theirs, and I had no right to even stand in the space I was taking up. I felt like I was a disruption to the store, and wasn't worthy of even being there.

I didn't email or call my friends because I did not want to disturb or bother them. Any call or note was time I was taking from them and therefore WAS bothering them. (in my head anyway)

The worse the PTSD got, the more saturating and suffocating these feelings and related behaviors became. I felt I really, truly, genuinely, totally did not deserve to be looked at, talked to, and certainly not helped/assisted with anything!! I was mortified to need help. And I did not ask for help, with ANYTHING!! (Bounced over 60 checks and got my checking account closed because I had jello-brain and couldn't figure out how to fix it, and I was also mortified of needing help and I could not ask for it. But how do you explain that to a bank?! LOL -- you can't.) OMG... asking for help with even the littlest thing was "putting people out" to an unbelievable degree. I could not do it.

It helps a lot to read everyone's feedback and realize that these feelings aren't "just me." I don't feel like a fluke of nature anymore. :) Thank you for that!!

Bailey