Here I go again; feeling down and depressed. Well, I posted the other day that I went to the group session with my bf to better understand what he is going through. I had made up in my mind that this is what it is and that he'll really having a hard time because he's ill. Recently, I've been on this chat board and talking to other military personnel who has been diagnosed with PTSD, and they experience nothing like what my bf is going through and how he's treating me. I've been keeping a keen eye on things around here and continually walking on egg shells to try and keep peace around here, but to no avail. Although the sickness may be real, I really do believe that he's lashing out on my for some reason or another. Just today, I ran some errands and went to a couple of appointments and went to get my hair permed (I've had my hair braided and wearing a wig for about 2 months) since it was time for me to let my hair breath. I came home and greated him like I usually do and asked him how do my hair look. He in turn told me that I didn't noticed when he got his hair cut the other day. I told him to just leave it alone cause it ain't that serious. I come in the house and a few minutes later he came in still b*^ching about me being gone and the first thing I wanted him to notice was my hair. He said that the first thing I should said was that the yard look nice (since he was cutting and trimming the hedges).

When I asked him about my hair, I had no ideal how that thing would blow up. It's getting to the point that no matter what I say, it gets criticized, and it hurts my feelings. But I'm learning to plant my feet and just suck it up and not let it bother me, but this is all too personal, and I feel nothing from PTSD is causing the way he's making me feel. I believe he wants to continually inflict pain upon me and watch me hurt. For what? I don't know. PTSD is more of a cover up to have an excuse to treat me that way.

I mean, what is the big deal? I can't ask him anything like that? We are drifting farther apart.

I am currently in therapy myself, and I told my therapist today what had been going on. She suggested that he come to one of the sessions with me. Not to dig into our problems but to get from his point of view how I've been doing since I've been on the medications (yes, medications). Hopefully, that will open up an avenue so that some things are talked about in a very open and honest manner. I'd hate for it to be anything other than that.

This drains my energy and I feel like I'm trapped in darkness. Why does he hate me so much and why is there so much hate directed personally at me?

Please listen to me and try to understand me. I am trying to be strong and understanding in all of this but I don't have thick enough skin to endure.