I'm 4.5 years out from my trauma and 3.5 years out from my worst breakdown point, yet I barely function.

I occasionally have a good day when I get done what I think most people do in half a day, or what I pre-trauma could do in half a day.

I cannot work or do anything that has a "deadline" ... the pressure of even committing to be at, for example, my church Christmas dinner on a certain date is something I have to struggle with. But lately I have been managing to get my kids to their gym and skating lessons pretty well.

But I cannot prepare meals regularly or get into any housekeeping routine at all. I only go to the grocery store about once a month because I keep trying to make a list but never do and then finally I go because we're desperate so I buy what's on sale and go home with no meal plans at all ... just a bunch of odd stuff.

And I'm NOT trying to say I'm worse off than anyone else on this board .... but I read where many/most ?? of you work and/or go to school and seem to function out in the world somehow and maybe even at home. I don't function very well anywhere at all.

Am I just sicker than I want to think I am and should stop feeling this constant guilt for never getting things done or organized and being unreliable and unable to commit because I know I probably won't follow through??

Is it me in a rut of habit from ptsd?? Or is it actually ptsd?? I was never a slacker before my trauma.

I know this sounds rambling and confused, but that's my current state. Sorry.

FLF

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