Kathy, thank you for a very moving post. I find it sad it has to even be said, these things, as so much information is given here freely on the matter of our disorder. Many here can tell you we walk a very fine line when it comes to suicide, self included. I carry many regrets for some of my actions my husband truly forgives me for and daily holds me up the best he can when I can't. He knows I am ill. He knows I did not ask for this or want to be like this. Does not change he loves me and will care for me in sickness and in health. My good days are days our marriage is heaven as he won't hold a grudge from when my symptoms flare up and rage and self destruction tries to take me over. If it were not for him I would already have been dead. If he treated me badly as to "get back at me" for being an ass, he knows I would likely end up dead. PTSD is not a game and it is not something to be taken lightly. This is a very deadly disorder as you sadly are very well aware. My husband has consumed as much as he can to understand what it is and how it works. He knows some things cannot be controlled all the time (like my side of family), but we are a team and we work hard together and he never gives up.

Sorry, I got long winded.