Hey Nonie,

Thanks for writing. I'm so glad to hear from you. I keep checking your posts to see what other people say as well. It feels comforting.

I had a little ray of hope today. Im not getting my hopes up too much, but I heard from him this morning after 2 weeks of silence. It turns out he has done more work on himself (and the negative things that affected our relationship) in the past 2 weeks than the past 6 months of therapy.

To be honest I think it's because i gave him the mental space and left him alone. I'm going to continue to do this, just wait, and be supportive when he contacts me. He said he has made progress- which is a first! Because I haven't seen any since he started with the shrink. It's been devastating to watch him fall apart and destroy/saboutage everything.

But, from his message, I feel that he is really taking control of his ptsd at the moment.I feel really proud of him.

I followed Kathy's advice as well about looking after myself. When i do see him, I want to be assertive and together so I can be there for him without needing anything.

I will sound extreme but i went to a hypnotist to sort a couple of things in my head. I don't know how you feel, but it's been hard not to take some of this stuff personally even when I am aware that his actions are a part of his symptoms. (accupuncture, chi gung...I'm a bit of a hippy right now)

I've also been reading a ton of books- and the resource section on this site. Anthony's post: time line to recovery - was really useful and informative.

We have not discussed the collateral therapy session since. But his therapist did get in contact with me and suggested another of her colleagues who has similar background. I know that he must be ok with that- because she would not betray his trust in any way. I will discuss this with him first- in December when i go home for 3 weeks- if he's speaking to me or comfortable seeing me.

(At the moment we're in different countries- so I totally get what you're going through too. But, fortunately I go home every 6 weeks- and will move back in June).

I want to see a ptsd specialist so I can learn how to behave and communicate effectively without pushing him away- I have not been able to do this so far because I was getting so upset with his "tricks". I have to keep reminding myself of who he really is- and that he has a serious condition. The suicidal/depression stuff frightens me a lot. We really have no idea what's happening in their heads.

Anyway. Right now- I feel great because I see hope. Even if it is a tiny speck of light. And I feel so grateful about what he's doing at the moment. So, I'm ok about being "dumped" if he keeps taking these positive steps.

Please let me know how you are and what's helping/working with you guys.

Take care.

J

I changed my name cause I stupidly put my real name on the forum and then realized i was the only one. I was in a bit of a frenzied state when I found this site. But things seem much calmer now:)