Becvan--Thanks for taking the time to reply to my thread, any information or guidance will be accepted...and since you are a carer and a sufferer i believe??...then you know how it is on both sides of the coin.

I will say that your post did seem a little abrupt, and quite the slap in the face...but i am not offended nor am i upset by it. It just kinda put me in my place, i suppose. As someone who has never had to deal with anything of this nature before...it is a lot to take in, understand, process, and trying to learn to cope with...so i do not feel bad that my emotions are all over the place. The carer section is a place for us carers to share our OWN emotions and feelings, and i surely did not join this forum to feel as though i was being judged for the way i am thinking at present.

Let me remind you...my ex has not seen anyone, nor has he been diagnosed, nor has he even concluded that he could have PTSD. It was ME that approached him about it, and sent him e-mails with TONS of information about ptsd, and it was me who showed concern that he could be dealing with ptsd, and i think he should seek some help. If anything...i was the one that pushed him in that direction, and i really do HOPE and pray that he has chosen to seek some help. After those couple of e-mails with ptsd information, i never brought it up again. He had the information, he told me he wasn't comfy talking about anything, so i let it be..and i never mentioned it ever again.

Now, with all that being said...i still to this day do not know if he has chosen to get help, maybe has had ptsd before he met ME, or if he recently got diagnosed, etc etc....so my emotions being all over the place is fine with me. I am living off of the assumption that either he developed ptsd possibly, recently...or he could have had this for years, and never told me (I've never been around him long enough to see if he shows actual signs of ptsd, since he is always deployed.) In our recent IM conversation, i didn't show any bad emotions, or negativity to the point that he would feel guilty over anything about me or what he has done to me. I am not so heartless that i would make him feel so guilty for anything. I know how he feels, and i will not stoop that low...but if i come to the carer section on this forum to share how i feel...i think that is absolutely fine with me....i am talking about how I FEEL and what emotions I'M going through...and since he has no clue that i am doing this...neither one of us will be hurt. I'm sure he is seeking refuge in someone else, just as i am seeking it here on the carers section.

Besides all of that, i will say that i value your opinion and thank you so much for sharing it. I am still continuing to learn as much as i can about ptsd, and trying so hard to be prepared for anything. We are still broken up, yet when he contacts me, i keep it "sweet" with him. I am not contacting him at all since we both agreed on no contact. But you have to understand how that makes me feel too...and you should know..because you are also a carer too, not just a sufferer. It hurts. I am not ignorant to anything he feels. My thoughts, feelings and emotions are all shared here on the forum with other carers who may be feeling just as i do, so that i do not put that strain or guilt on my ex's shoulders. I know he has enough to deal with..and me speaking about how i feel will just make his shoulders feel even heavier. And the last thing i want to do is add more to his plate.

But recieving such a slap in the face honestly doesn't help me either....i feel like i have extreme low self worth and faith in myself to do better...because i feel like i have dissapointed him to the point that he pushed me away. I do know that this is also a part of ptsd, but you could have been a little nicer with your post, i am here to learn about it, and not feel like i have to step on eggshells to get some answers about something i know nothing about at all.

Conflicting emotions are horrible...and i'm trying so hard to push them away, and be there for him. But being dumped by him..and only hearing from him once in a blue moon because he "just wanted to say hi", hurts. I know you understand...