This is something we share in common, very muchly! :)

For me, interaction with others requires an extraordinary amount of energy, to keep myself up and maintain the contact. I have issues with control & helplessness, so I suspect that it might be so stressful and difficult for me because I am not in control of the other person or the interaction; I can only control my physical presence and reactions, I can't control anything else. Again -- just a guess!! -- I don't really know.

Online relationships are much easier for me too. I can login and participate when I feel strong enough. If I am too tired or emotional, I don't have to login right then, I can put it off 'til I'm ready to deal with it. I can participate from the security of my bed in my jammies if I want (thanks to my laptop) and nobody is any wiser for it. If the other person says something I don't like, I can delete it. If they piss me off, I can block them from my server. :) I am in control.

It's not that I don't want my friends to be unique or do their own thing; exactly the opposite is true! They are my friends because we see things and behave similarly; we have many things in common. I understand them, and bless their hearts, they understand me too. :)

What wears me out and frightens me is unpredictability. I hate surprises -- always have. Surprises are NOT fun to me. Although I enjoy having a flexible work schedule, I do not at all like having an abrupt, unannounced change in plans. If I am planning on having a quiet evening, for instance, I get tossed totally off-kilter when something unannounced pops up and disrupts it. If I have prepared for the possibility of something coming up (for instance, I am always prepared for my ambulance pager to go off... it's a contingency I've happily accepted and accommodate) that's fine, but unplanned changes in the status quo are a huge stressor for me.

When I get out and in social settings, I feel like the chance for unplanned changes (surprises) increases tremendously. I have no control of outside surroundings. Noisy places, like a bar, or a restaurant with terrible acoustics, just tells my brain that a surprise is even more likely, and that sets me on edge. It is exhausting to try to maintain my sanctity and composure in that kind of setting.

Sorry this is so long. Thank you for opening this thread though; you really helped me to look inward and pinpoint what it is, exactly, that causes this reaction in me. I really appreciate that. :)

:) Bailey