Herc, I described myself to my mother as I will let things go like a pit bull of a three year old. I do understand the desire to though. I went to reply to this today but I had to just close it as I already pissed you off once this week. But screw it, we share here and as a member of this community I still care about you like I do all people who come here... So off to piss you off.

You are not the only one here with lost memories and even lost childhoods. It pisses us off to no end what we cannot recall and why. Through memory I have learned yes, I think some would best be left alone. No one can ever say we need to recall it all. We do have to work through the emotions of things we do not even recall. It is messed up trying to, I know that! I did have a few small memories trickle down. They were triggered by the birth of my first girl. They were confirmed.

Later things were told to me finally. Did this make shit come back? Nope. Did it help? Nope. I was just as screwed before. I knew I had been raped (still cannot recall it happening, just the lead to) by this person I have no memory of and the flashbacks of freaking out smelling smoke and calling FD and clearing the home were nothing more than flashbacks of nothing I can recall. I know why as he also several times tried to burn the home down and set me on fire. Being told made me recall zero. It does not help. I have been told and it brings no memory to surface nor does it help me mentally and emotionally.

Sadly I have learned the hard way the older generation (not all) do turn a blind eye and pretend things are not happening. Hopefully this new crop of women will not endure the same things.

I just want to tell you I have given up on recalling. Given up on dreams holding the key (they show emotion, rest is bull shit). I have accepted some reason I feel a certain way at a certain time. Even being told certain traumas if I do not recall them and I assume my brain must know best.

My mom knew. My sister knew. Even after PTSD they tried to stay silent. I thought it would help. It does not. We feel the way we do now. That is what we fight through now. The now. Even if you cannot recall the past you can do your best to heal the emotions. Ask me, Bec, or Nam. These are people just off the top of my head here, no telling how many more do this not knowing. We can do this together.

Turning the blind eye is worse than any stab in the back, but it will not leave, it will fester. Why so many have like my mom is beyond my reasoning. It certainly sucks.