I finally told my in-laws they have no right to expect me to go to holiday events and family functions.

I was put on the spot yesterday by a phone call from my SIL. She asked why I wasn't coming to Thanksgiving at her house and I told her the reasons. She was on the verge of tears, and took it personal. I told her not to take it personal that I have a life of my own. Since she was in such a weak state of mind that is all I said to her.

I then called my other SIL and asked who told that I wasn't going to attend Thanksgiving at the other SILs house and she said she didn't know. I told her it was wrong for her family to have so many expectations for me to show up for family get togethers when I don't feel well, and that some boundaries need to be set.

She agreed that I didn't need to go to all of the get togethers, but I have to go to the big holiday events. I said, "No I don't because I don't agree with the way your family does things, and I don't have to do anything I don't want to do just because some one thinks I should. I was raised differently and feel differently about family affairs and no one has the right to get mad at me for that". We agreed to disagree.

I then called my MIL and asked if she was the one who leaked the info, and she said she did and started laughing at her mistake when I told her how upset the one SIL got over me not attending. I told her there is nothing funny about it and the family needs to start setting boundaries with each other and quit expecting things with out asking first. Also, there is no need to get upset if I don't show up it's not because I don't like the person, it's because I don't feel up to going. AND, I'm a bit fed up with the whole issue, and if others keep pressuring me I will break.

This is a follow up from a post earlier. If I hadn't joined this group I doubt I would have learned that I really needed to say those things NOW in a non-defensive manner before it got ugly. It felt good to say no to them, and tell them to respect my limitations.

Thanks to everyone here that has responded to my posts and helped me realize I need to speak up before things get out of hand.

Peace
Tammy