I don't trust the therapists and psychiatrists at the VA. Though they won't hospitalize you without your permission which I think is kind of futile. But the problem with being hospitalized in the VA psych ward is that they don't do inpatient counseling.

With my therapist I have her cell number and the only days she is unavailable is Thursdays and Sundays. But she has told me that if I'm in a crisis that I can call her. If I don't reach her right away she calls me back as soon as possible. I also have her email if I need to use it too. But she uses dial up so that usually takes awhile.

But I'm lucky to have a therapist that is an expert in PTSD. I also have her workbook which she has told me to only do up to the safety chapter which I need to finish before next Monday when I see her again. (Not tomorrow).

And I am pretty certain that if I do get suicidal really badly again that I can't deal with I can tell her and she won't instantly lock me up in a psych ward which always feels like a prison sentence to me. I've had bad experiances with psychiatric hospitalizations.

But I do know that I'm really bad about dropping out of therapy and that defeats the purpose. I've also learned that if you feel like you can't trust your therapist or if you don't like your therapist that you need to find one you can trust and be open with for therapy to work.

I think that I finally have a therapist that I can work with that will help me to get to a healthy point, I don't expect it to happen overnight and I think that's what alot of people have to keep in mind. It took years for me to get this way and it's probably going to take just as long to get better.