During my first session with my current therapist she told me that she doesn't expect me to trust her right away and that trust is something that is earned not something that is required immediately.

I know I play with my fingers, my coat if I have it or my clothes. I don't make eye contact with anyone that I don't trust and in fact the only person I make eye contact with is my husband and my children and sometimes my in laws. Usually my mother in law.

I have a hard time with males.

I've gone through many therapists, three through the VA hospital system. None of which I trusted. The first had me keep a thought/counter thought journal and that was fine but all she'd do was read my journal and then one day she laughed at one of my thoughts and that upset me.

The next therapist did this thing called 'The Work' and you eventually turn things around until it's on you and I saw that wasn't going to take me anywhere except blaming myself more than I already did.

The last therapist I saw was one time and he frankly acted like he didn't even want to see me.

I had given up on therapy through the VA. And then I ran across Mary Beth and I've had 3 sessions with her (one on the phone because I couldn't make it to my appointment due to a water main break at my son's school).

The only reason that Mary Beth has been able to fit me in is because I came across her through someone that was very close to her.

I think that it's been helpful to me to know that she doesn't expect me to trust her right away and from what I've read in her workbook, lack of eye contact is an aspect of PTSD.

To me, eye contact is the ultimate trust factor. I have always felt like the eyes were the window to the soul.

As for crying, I have a hard time crying in front of anyone because I have a hard time feeling like crying is okay. Being that I was punished for crying as a child, which only made me cry more.

I'm glad you can trust your therapist, from what I've been told that's important and I'm starting to trust mine as well.