I think that us surviving this disorder and keeping going one day at a time is proving so much to those that hurt us. I'm not sure how many abusers i had. think it might be as high as 6. didn't think I would ever know who they were but I think its going to be coming out soon unless I give up on this recovery, go back to the drugs or go back to being a workacoholic, might even go away if I start smoking again. thats so weird that the nicotine has so much power for me. can't really remember when I started smoking. did remember that I was sneaking in bath room in 5th grade to smoke. nicotine was the first drug I used. Hardest one for me to get off too.