Hi hollyberry.....I too felt this way..recently. An ex-boyfriend of mine...his brother died and the death and emotions were just too much for me and I couldn't help but feel guilty because I was doing exactly what you referred to......My bs 20 years ago.
I keep telling myself...I didn't choose to have PTSD...who would? Please give yourself a break....I know it is hard. i am my own worst enemy at times but I definately didn't ask for this and neither did you. take Care.