Welcome to the forum.

One thing I have recently realized is that I have used my avoidance to my disadvantage in therapy. I recently changed therapists because I needed to see an eating disorder specialist. My PCP encouraged the change...and she made sure I found someone who would let me go at the pace I needed, but also recognize my avoidance/dissociation. After I started seeing my current therapist, I realized just how much I do avoid and dissociate. I was able to avoid a lot with my previous therapist, who did only trauma work. Looking back on it, I am surprised she did not catch on (I saw her for 5 years).

I tell you this because I spend a lot of time wondering "Am I going to get better and, if so, just how much?" I have spent many years in therapy and it does get to the point of feeling like its just not going to work. One thing I am noticing is that I am at a point in my life where it is safe to deal with the traumas that have occured. Four years ago I tried to deal with things I was not ready to process and I completely decompensated.

Although we often wish we could just make everything better instantly, our brains function to help protect us from ourselves. Each person's healing process is their own and will have their own timeframe. After 15 years of meds, psychs, and therapy (off and on)...I tell anyone that tries to give me a timeframe on getting better that they have no idea about PTSD.

Anyway, I wanted to welcome you and let you know you are not alone. Sorry if I rambled on...it is just nice to finally have people to talk to who understand!