i believe it's not a matter of formulas or words: it's about recognizing a mood the person feels safe around. and the thing is, it depends 100% on the person. some people might want silent and supportive, some might want goofy and careless. some might want loving & clingy... it's up to you to find out, and your loved one to help you find out.

all i can tell you is what *i* prefer, but there's no guaranty it will be of any use. i feel extra sad when i'm on a bad day and people try to cheer me up pretending all is well. i want to scream "listen you oblivious fvck, there's no way you're gonna convince me that everything's alright and we're having a good time" and i get caught up in trying to be nice to the one who's trying to be nice to me, pretending i enjoy myself. it does more damage than good.

you seem to be on the right track, as you mentioned something about some things you know just don't work.

what i'm trying to say is, all i can do is suggest you to ask openly and wish you the best of lucks.

hugs,
v.