txmomof3: Thanks! Sure i'ts about protection and the non-feeling i very safe at the moment. Theres is good people around me though i live alone and make very few moves. Connecting beyond very fixed patterns floods we, and the hardest one to cope with is that people I like trigger a longing for kind of symbiotic meelting, distortes reality, and makes communication impossible. It's a all or nothing thing. So I stay on a very long distance to make me able to still think. The sad thing is that not much learning can happen this way.