Whilst I chose the first option, being the same as you Evie, I chose that option because most of what you say I do, being I do suffer in physical pain and not bother people, though I also have a high pain tolerance when I want too. Saying that however; I learnt that I must articulate myself when it comes to the mental issues due to the severity. If you know and understand the severity Evie, which I know you do from both Eric and Brian's death, then you will take responsibility for your own actions surrounding your own mental health, regardless what your brain is telling you, you still have a choice.

It is not PTSD's fault for you not speaking up and saying you are ill. Whilst Jim and Kathy likely know it before you do, when you do know it you must teach yourself to and accept the responsibility to ask for help. Whether that be to help you rest, do something or take you to the hospital if you believe you need it, you must take responsibility for this, just as I had too also learn and not fall back and blame my PTSD for.

I still personally struggle at times Evie, however; if suicidal ideation comes to my mind it doesn't take me long to begin talking about it, letting people know its in my head. Whilst that has only been once in the last couple of years, being just the other week, I still spoke about it within a short period of time before it escalated beyond just thoughts. When I do not feel well and just need to rest, I ensure those around me know and that I am going to rest, whether they like it or not, I must ensure and take responsibility for myself to do this, and the only way others know Evie is to just voice what is wrong. You don't necessarily have to go into detail because you may not know it or understand it yourself, but a simple "I am not feeling well and am going to go have a sleep to feel better" statement is all that's needed. Once you sleep and if you feel better, then make yourself talk about the pain you feel, felt, or whatever was bothering you.

I understand what your saying about not wanting to bother people, feeling like a burden at times even, though you must take responsibility for your part in helping yourself.