Becvan, I wish I was as disciplined as you, I get angry and self-loathing and I stray onto other sites and leak ill-will and fury at people then hate myself even more. Last week was a plane-crash of bad judgements and failure. I still can't stop crying, as all my efforts and 'knowledge' just fail and I go back to square one. I feel so lonely and I've hadf too many years of it. Everybody's got family and people and I've never had anybody and I'm just totally sick of having to keep gpoing on my own. And none of the helplines or therapists seem to get it - I've spent 35 years in total isolation and nobody has ever ever loved me and now they are not going to because I'm a mad, haggard wierdo (that's how people view me). I don't think I can make it through to next year, though I'm scared to say things like that because I know I might get banned. Even coming on this site I just get reminded all the time that everybody's got someone there and I can't stand it anymore.