Kathy everyone grieves differently.. I personally can so understand the need to be alone to grieve and deal with something like his birthday. I don't think you should feel guilty for wanting and needing this and I think your family would understand if you didn't want to do what they wanted to do. I don't think you HAVE to all do the same things for every event that comes up as part of the process to get through these times. Whatever you need personally to do then that is what you should do... you don't always have to be the strong one and be there for the others to support them through tough times such as these. My heart goes out to all of you guys as you go through these tough times.