Quote:
Originally Posted by superd  I know this is horrible, but sometimes I feel like she is fighting with the past so hard that it is ruining our present...at what point do we as supporters say it's just not worth it for either of us? I
Reminds me of a house we bought once...it was an old one that needed restoration. We thought we could live in it and restore it at the same time...didn't work and we almost divorced over it! From that point on, we swore to never buy an old home unless we could move in that day...sort of an apt analogy, especially when the spouse isn't aware of the PTSD when he/she says "I do"!!! |
Superd,
Its not horrible. Its human. I have never thought about it like that before but you are right. Its like they are so steeped in their pain and trauma that they miss the sunshine of today. I used to drag and sometimes still do, drag Anthony's ass out of bed because I refused to accept that someone could waste their lives so. I would be liar if I said that I had not asked myself the question about whether to stay or go many a time. Your the only one who can decide that for you. In my case, guilt is not the reason I stay, I genuinely love Anthony and I also now have children to consider. Not that I would stay only for the sake of the children. If it got to a point where I felt I had to leave to save myself, I would make sure that we had some amicable arrangement for the children. We brought them into this world and we are both responsible for their wellbeing. Sometimes it may not be worth it for you to stay, if you are in danger of losing who you are. As for our partners with PTSD, they would have to learn to cope.
I do like your renovator house analogy. I can't use that as an excuse though, I knew something was not right when we married and I still chose to marry him. So, sometimes the only person I have the luxury of kicking is me. I chose to put me here and I have to deal with whatever that brings. A little different in your case. As for buying a house like that, individually I am sure Anthony and I would like to but we have agreed that the stress would be too much. We have decided to build when we finally settle and already we are looking at strategies to manage that!!