Churches can be ... what ever the right words is. Sorry to hear that Kathy. The son of friends of mine in Austria died of drugs, same story, no Christian funeral. Added an additional/preventable dimension to the whole grief.

I became a Christian when I was 22. And my life changed radically from black to white. There was finally peace in my heart, a peace I was looking for in people, drugs etc... And that peace is still there, I can't deny that. It's been with me for 18 years. It's more like a emotional experience which drew me close to God, than a cognitive understanding of who God is.

Well, that's one thing, my personal experience.
The other thing is what I see and hear and read. What Christians do and don't do, What they read in the bible, or don't read. For years I left during the sermons on Sunday, if I didn't like it. It took some courage in the beginning, but now I am pretty good at it :-) I just leave if I think it's bs.
And then there are all the descriptions of Gods Character. The father, the comforter, the provider, the healer, etc...
Bec elaborated on that abit. Thanks for that.

I don't want to live without God, and without the peace. I know what it was like before, and I don't want to go back to that.
But there are so many unanswered questions, specially about pain and suffering, and healing. It's a real dichotomy.